Reading: Yu Hua's The Past and the Punishments
Watching: 2nd season of The Borgias later. :)
Playing: catch with my inner retard
Eating: nuthin' yet
Drinking: Purple Gatorade
We have long planned to move in together, my love and I. That dream is finally materializing this March. I have to leave again next week to help pack and ship some of my own things at our place there in Bangkok to here in Manila. Right now, I'm torn between feelings of sadness and of excitement. I'm sad because I will be an hour away from my mom. Not only me but also my son, who has so gotten used to being able to be with his grandmother and cousins almost all the time. But we promised to visit every weekend or whenever we can.
Excited because we are going to be a family. I like the idea of being domesticated again taking care of the people I love. Plus, I will finally be having my own kitchen again. That means no more cook or maids hovering over me while I cook. I like them but I don't like getting distracted. Also, I will be having more time and space to go back to doing my art. That's also something I'm looking forward to.
A lot of bad things had happened recently that had almost left me emotionally shattered. I'm thankful to have someone who loves me for me (even when I was being a bitchy cunt), without demands nor expectations.
Okay, enough gay shit. I just want to thank everyone who had sent me their condolences and comforting words. One wouldn't understand how powerful kind words are until one's in a place where it's all depressing darkness. I appreciate everything. Thank you.
I've read this poem so many years ago when I was still in college. I love that I found it online again for some reason.
AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftstall, 1971)
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...